Handy counter questions for the unmarried, childless woman.

Today I am taking time out from my busy schedule to publish this handy guide for those in need of it.

If, like me, you have been asked just once or twice too often the following impertinent questions, you may like to keep this on hand in your purse or tucked into the waistband of your slacks.

Why didn’t you get married?

Counter question: Why did you get married? Were you just going along with the crowd, or were you, perhaps, up the duff?

Why didn’t you have children?

Counter question: Did you really want that fourth one? He’s just so horribly boring. How can you stand him?

Don’t you get lonely?

Don’t you sometimes, when your husband (who smells like cheese, by the way) scratches himself, want to sneak up behind him with a cast iron frying pan and put a stop to it for once and for all.

But now you won’t have grandchildren?

Which means I won’t have to cancel that trip to the Bahamas.

Don’t you regret it?

Don’t you ever look back and think “I’m so tied up to all of these people, I don’t know who I am.”

Are you sure you’re not in denial?

Are you sure you know what’s best for me?